Today I saw a special on television about Phyllis Hyman. The same was the case when I saw the Dorothy Dandridge Documentary. I saw so much of them in me. Beautiful, Successful…in the eyes of others, they seemed to have it all. But you never know what is going on with someone on the inside. There are always a select few outsiders that can tell, but not enough to advocate for an intervention.
Even as I write this, its hard to put it out there, but I made a promise to myself and God that I would use my testimony to minister to others.
This year, I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder. Although the diagnosis was just made this year, I knew deep down in my heart that this is something that I have lived with and been suffering from for years. And sad to say, even though I had gone to school for social work and studied how to help others with mental illness, I took me years to seek help for myself.
A lot of it boiled down to my tendency to put everyone else first, leaving myself no other place to be but last. Even though I wore a smile and displayed an addictive personality, I suffered from low self esteem and didn’t seem to know how to use the word NO.
Now I am on the road to recovery. I am re-learning how to love myself, something that I lost sight of as a small child. As a result of my efforts to heal, I see life in a whole new way. One of the therapists that I worked with had a great example…
He explained that as a child, he suffered from migraines for years. One day, he had a vision test where he was given a prescription for glasses. Not only did the migraines go away, but he had gotten so used to seeing the world in such a dull way, that he thought that that was all there was to it. He had no idea that the sky was such a vibrant blue, and the grass was such a rich green.
That is how life is once you seek treatment for mental illness. For many medication is the way, but after much research and soul searching I decided to take a more holistic approach.
I have made it a point to get more sunshine, more exercise, more prayer, and take vitamins that aid in brain function and energy (B complex, omega 3 fatty acid, etc.). I also make self-care a priority and constantly check in with myself to process my feelings and emotions by journaling and communicating with others.
Its not easy, but its lovely. I am getting to know and love myself and I am enjoying every moment of it to the fullest! This is the first blog that I have dedicated to mental health, but it is not the last. Stay tuned as I document my journey!
Most Sincerely,
Monica Marie Jones
Author
There are a lot of mental health bloggers out there, if you go looking, and a friendly bunch they (generally) are too. It can be honestly amazing how much support there is once you start looking round – good luck!
x Natty
Comment by nattylevin — December 1, 2008 @ 3:17 pm |