Stigma: Mental Health in The African American Community

Today I saw a special on television about Phyllis Hyman.  The same was the case when I saw the Dorothy Dandridge Documentary.  I saw so much of them in me.  Beautiful, Successful…in the eyes of others, they seemed to have it all.  But you never know what is going on with someone on the inside.  There are always a select few outsiders that can tell, but not enough to advocate for an intervention. 

 

Even as I write this, its hard to put it out there, but I made a promise to myself and God that I would use my testimony to minister to others. 

This year, I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder. Although the diagnosis was just made this year, I knew deep down in my heart that this is something that I have lived with and been suffering from for years.  And sad to say, even though I had gone to school for social work and studied how to help others with mental illness, I took me years to seek help for myself.

A lot of it boiled down to my tendency to put everyone else first, leaving myself no other place to be but last.  Even though I wore a smile and displayed an addictive personality, I suffered from low self esteem and didn’t seem to know how to use the word NO.

Now I am on the road to recovery.  I am re-learning how to love myself, something that I lost sight of as a small child.  As a result of my efforts to heal, I see life in a whole new way.  One of the therapists that I worked with had a great example…

He explained that as a child, he suffered from migraines for years.  One day, he had a vision test where he was given a prescription for glasses.  Not only did the migraines go away, but he had gotten so used to seeing the world in such a dull way, that he thought that that was all there was to it.  He had no idea that the sky was such a vibrant blue, and the grass was such a rich green.

That is how life is once you seek treatment for mental illness.  For many medication is the way, but after much research and soul searching I decided to take a more holistic approach.

I have made it a point to get more sunshine, more exercise, more prayer, and take vitamins that aid in brain function and energy (B complex, omega 3 fatty acid, etc.).  I also make self-care a priority and constantly check in with myself to process my feelings and emotions by journaling and communicating with others. 

Its not easy, but its lovely.  I am getting to know and love myself and I am enjoying every moment of it to the fullest!  This is the first blog that I have dedicated to mental health, but it is not the last.  Stay tuned as I document my journey!

Most Sincerely,

Monica Marie Jones

Author

www.monicamariejones.com

 

Independent Bookstores

Author Monica Marie Jones at Da Book Joint in Chicago, IL

I remember the first day of school in either kindergarten or the 1st grade when the teacher asked, “Who knows how to read?”  I promptly raised my hand and then looked around to see all of the other children because I was certain that reading was common place.  I was shocked to see that I was the only one.

She asked me to come up and read a book that she had.  I not only read it aloud for the entire class, but I also inserted the proper pregnant pauses when I came to periods and the exaggerated excitement when I came to exclamation marks.

As I’m sure you can gather by now, I have ALWAYS loved to read.  Books were my escape from the harsh realities of everyday life.  If my world seemed unbearable, then I could delve into the world of the characters in a book and be an invisible, innocent bystander.

I never quite understood the other side the book world until recently when I became an author myself.

There are so many aspects that I could discuss, but today I am going to focus on independent bookstores since I just came back from doing signings as a couple of them on my book tour.

Last month I attended the Great Lakes Book Sellers Association Convention.  It was there that I realized how hard it is for independent bookstores.  I knew that they had competition when it came to the major booksellers like Borders and Barnes and Nobles, but I never realized how much of a monopoly that Amazon had on the market.

Several independent bookstores are suffering and struggling to stay afloat.  Some of the more unfortunate ones have already gone out of business. 

At the beginning of my book tour I wondered if doing signings at bookstores was really worth the time, effort and money that I put into them. I would only sell a few books at each one.   I considered finding a different route to sell my books.  But after spending some time with the owners, and really learning what the real deal was, I decided that I am going to make it a part of my life’s mission to support independent bookstores by any means necessary.

With that said, I will see you soon, at an independent bookstore near you!

Chicago!

Today was a splendid day.  It began bright and early with a radio interview at WKKC on the Focus Talk with Dennis Snipe Radio Show.  From there we went to Lincoln Mall in Matteson, IL.  While there I had my first experience of getting my eyebrows threaded!  I had seen it on TV but I’ve never known of an actual place where I could go and get it done.  It is an amazing technique where you get your eyebrows arched using thread. You would have to see it to understand it, and I am far too sleepy to describe it for you in a clear way right now.

After getting a whole new workout clothes wardrobe made up of clearance rack items at Old Navy I got ready for my first book signing at Azizi Books.  The traffic was light but it felt so great to be supporting an independent book store.

From there we headed straight to Da Book Joint in Chicago.  It had a nice homey feel and I was surrounded by the owner and her family which gave it all a very welcoming touch.  My book signing was scheduled to end at eight, but we ended up staying there until midnight swapping Chicago style dances for Detroit Style dances and having an overall funky good time.

When I come to Chicago, I usually do all of the tourist attraction type stuff….but this time I felt like I saw another side of my birthplace.  Since I left here and moved to Detroit at the age of two, I never really experienced the city like I could have. 

For the first time in all of the years that I have come to visit, Chi town felt a little bit like home.

P.S. I think I want to open a bookstore

Oh Happy Day!

I usually try to have a focus, theme or message in my blogs, but today I simply have to rant about how wonderful my day was.  It started off when I woke up early to do an interview on a radio show in Chicago. (The Jumpoff Morning Show with Trey the Choklit Jok on Power 92 Chicago).  It went extremely well and the hosts were intrigued by the way that I described my books. 

As I waited for the recorded interview to air I jumped on the elliptical and worked out on it for forty minutes going on pure adrenaline.  The time was over before I even realized it.  Then my boyfriend called me with a Carnival Cruise Line salesman on the three way and booked a cruise for us for next month right on the spot.  It is an eight day Western Caribbean Cruise that goes to Panama, Costa Rica…and the best part…Belize! 

Belize is the best part because that is were my Dad is from and that is were he lives now.  It is even more special because I have not seen my father in fifteen year!  It means so much to me that I will get to see him, but it is also a unique opportunity for him to meet the man that I intend to marry.  AND, what is so ironic is that my father has NEVER met any of my boyfriends.  So the first one that he meets is the one I will marry…how cool is that?

Immediately after that he booked our flight to Florida and made it official.  I found myself overwhelmed with emotion.  All of that goodness totally threw me off track from the task at hand…to pack and get on the road for Chicago!

Once I finally got myself together I met my brother and his son at my boyfriend’s house which was a special treat because I had not seen my super cute nephew in so long.  I told him about some mac and cheese that I’d made that he could eat when he went to grandma’s house and he said…”For me?  How nice of you.”   It was one those things that only a four year old could say in a way that makes you want to melt.

From there I hit the road and now I am in one of my favorite cities in the the United States, that also just so happens to be the place where I was born…Chicago!

Now I am fried, and I just got into an argument with my boyfriend because he was looking over my shoulder spell checking me as I wrote this blog.  It only upset me so because I have grown quite fond of this reflective moment that I carve out of my busy days to reflect and share my simple pleasures with the world….if anyone is even reading this.

 

Anyhow, its time to get some rest because tomorrow morning I’m off to do another radio interview in the morning followed by two book signings at two different bookstores.  I’m sure the day will make for a juicy reflection tomorrow night.

Speaking of night…have a good one!

The BreakThrough BookTour

Author Monica Marie Jones with The Spirit of the Moment Praise Dance Ministry

I have been meaning to take the time out to explain why I call my book tour, The BreakThrough BookTour.   The truth is that this book tour symbolizes so much more for me than just selling books.

A few years ago I reached a point of my life where I had a break down.  Not necessarily a nervous breakdown, but a breakdown in communication between me and myself which resulted in my engaging in a host of destructive behaviors.  Naturally I practiced very little genuine love for myself.  Everything came to a head about two years ago when I realized that I could not go on living the way that I was. 

That was just the begining of my breakthrough.  I had to break free from depression, low self-esteem, negative self talk, and feelings of abandonment and rejection.  As I moved further away from this negative lifestyle, I moved closer to God. 

BUT, there wasn’t a happy ending just yet, there was still a lot of work to be done.  I tried working a full time job, going to church every Sunday and living the cookie cutter life that people seemed to think is the key to true fulfillment.  That was not the case.

It was not until I truly stepped out on faith, left my full time job, learned to say no, and started to put all of my energy into me and my dream that I finally began to see the light!

On this day next month it will be one year since I took that leap of faith and I have yet to be homeless, hungry, or unhappy.  I feel like I am living my best life ever and no amount of money can bring me the joy that I feel when I wake up every morning knowing that all that I have to do is what I want to do and what I love.

I am…a writer, an author, a poet, and a motivational speaker.  It is my mission to…entertain, inspire, educate, motivate, and add value to the lives of others.  The BreakThrough BookTour is my time to shine, stepping out of the shadows and into the spotlight sharing my testimony through words so that it may speak to and minister to the lives of others!

I WILL be coming to a city near you…just look for the Light!

Daily Reflection: Self-Care

Author Monica Marie Jones in Vancouver, WA

I have so many different blogs and pages.  Initially I just thought I would cut and paste the same blogs on all of my different pages, but that is so NOT creative, and how dare I not challenge myself as a writer?  I figured the best way to manage all of them would be for each one to have a specific purpose.  So today, I have dedicated my word press blog primarily to my daily reflections.

Wednesday November 12, 2008

On the weekend of my birthday I got an unintentional gift that turned out to be the best gift of all…an elliptical machine.  I was sitting in the car, reading a good book and waiting while my boyfriend helped a friend of ours to move.  She had the elliptical in her basement and didn’t intend to take it with her when she moved.  She bought it used, and no longer needed it, but to me it was like a new toy on Christmas day!

It was the perfect prop in my movement toward self-care.  After being diagnosed with major depressive disorder I learned that one of the major reasons that I continued to suffer was because I did not practice self-care.  I had the option of taking medication to treat it, but I decided to take a holistic approach instead. 

I did my research and learned that there were several things that I could do to improve my well being.  Those things included exercise, sunlight, vitamins, a healthier diet, and affirmations.   I added breathing, prayer, time alone with God, and intentional relaxation techniques to my self-imposed treatment plan.

This morning I got on the elliptical for forty minutes.  The friend that gave it to me recommended that I do forty minutes a day, so I have tried to stick to it.  Especially since I am planning on going on a cruise next month.  Just as I felt my lungs expand and start taking in all of the good oxygen that I needed,  an external factor (second hand smoke) threatened to disrupt the state of bliss that I was in.  Instead of accepting that as my fate I decided to remove myself from that toxic environment and put myself in a place where I could continue to get what I needed for optimal health.

I went outside and took a walk.  Thank God it was not as cold as it had been, but since my blood was already pumping, I’m not sure I would have been able to tell the difference.  I walked hard and fast to release my building frustration.  I found peace when I followed a path that led away from the busy street and down to the calming waters of the Detroit River.

Living by the river is a true blessing because it always brings me peace.  It is like being that much closer to God.

Today I was proud of myself for not settling for less.  I practiced self-care by getting what I needed and it felt so good!